her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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