I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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