This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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