He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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