Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize