He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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