if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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