woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize