When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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