Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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