still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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