Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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