Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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