When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize