Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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