I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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