We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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