After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize