he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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