I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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