dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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