No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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