Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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