I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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