i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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