I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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