watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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