need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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