Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize