i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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