I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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