I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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