It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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