Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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