Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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