Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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