i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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