apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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