There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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