i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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