One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize