If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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