i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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