Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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