he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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