so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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