I think scott just propositioned me for sex
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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