It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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