quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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