Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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