Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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